I carry your heart

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

~e. e. cummings

Blessings and Coffee

"I figured it's like in the Bible, the Adam and Eve deal?" the Captain said. "Adam's first night on earth? When he lays down to sleep? He thinks it's all over, right? He doesn't know what sleep is. His eyes are closing and he thinks he's leaving this world, right?"
"Only he isn't. He wakes up the next morning and he has a fresh new world to work with, but he has something else, too. He has his yesterday."

Everyday, we wake up to a whole new day with a whole new light, a new outlook, and a whole new purpose. Although this concept is probably one of the most incredible concepts we have yet to fathom, it continues to go un-cherished. Taken forgranted.
But what we don't realize is that everyday we are given the blessing of a new day, we are also given the blessing of so many other things. Opportunities, experiences, choices. Today I was sitting outside in my backyard having coffee with myself and my thoughts and I realized how lucky I am to have woken up on this beautiful day. Right then and there I thought, how can I show that i'm grateful for all of this? How can I show that I appreciate everything that's been put in front of me to work with? Then I got it. I realized that all of these things put in front of us like beautiful days and staggering sunsets are all for us to create more with. Beautiful things inspire ideas, and ideas inspire creation. The cycle begins with that small inspiration, that's why as time goes on we keep creating more and more technology.

As we learn to live with ourselves and technology we learn that the only real thing out there is interaction with other human beings. Finding love and giving it is the truest thing one can experience. Learning how to give is learning how to sacrifice things for the people we love.
Sacrifice is often misunderstood. It's a part of life, its supposed to be. It's not something to regret, it's something to aspire to. Little sacrifices, big sacrifices. A mother works so her son can go to school. A daughter moves home to take care of her sick father.
"That's the thing. Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else."

There's something about miserable people that just gets to me. They don't see that things WILL get better. Although it's hard to see the reason for circumstances at that moment, with time the reason for things clears up and arises. If there was one thing I would ever have to reget, it would be regretting. It wastes time and energy. There's no point of stressing over something that you can't control. Just don't worry, be happy. Life is dark sometimes for a reason-reason being so that we can destinguish the light parts of life. So we can illuminate the brightest moments of life with contrast to the dark ones.
The most sacred place dwells within our heart, where dreams are born and secrets sleep, a mystical refuge of darkness and light, fear and conquest, adventure and discovery, challenge and transformation. Our heart speaks for our soul every moment while we are alive.

Welcome, 2012.

When that feeling you get after watching a love movie becomes very much like the normal feeling responsible for your every day smile you know you have a lovely situation on your hands. Vulnerability can be one of the scariest, darkest holes to fall into but can also be one of the brightest most incredibly uplifting feelings just to let yourself fall into the unknown. Just let yourself fall into something that you can't predict the outcome of, it's like looking into the ambiguous nothingness while someone calls your name. You don't know, you just don't know. Are you afraid of the dark?
Vulnerability scares us because through that deliciously enticing darkness, we may be hurt. Curiosity takes over the soul in a way that no one can really describe with words. Only emotions, only the feeling of a touch, through a sound of a voice or the passion of eye contact. These things can't possibly be described in words because (as I said in one of my earlier blogs) it completely diminishes the true moment. That feeling you get after watching one of those gushy romantic comedies leaves you burning with the feeling of making you want to laugh. You just want to smile at the whole world. Especially if you have someone to share it with.
Life is a happy song when there's someone there to sing along. I laugh to myself as I write these words, but hey, I think I found someone. I think he might be special. I have this stupid but completely undeniable gut feeling.

Sometimes I get scared. "what comes up must come down," they say. How is it that I can be this damn happy, this satisfied without being absolutely terrified that the come down will be twice as hard. I'm so happy it should be a crime. It scares me more everyday as I try to soak in the absolutely blessed life I live. Why me? What did I do to be so deserving of all of these magical things happening to me all the time? I'm so lucky to have the family I have, to experience the things that I do. Readers, bloggers, don't get me wrong. Shit happens all the time. But those things that have made me the person that I am today writing this blog about my stupid emotions and impossible-to-ignore thoughts about life and love and experiences and people and events. My life is about to change, I can feel it. I've never felt it stronger than now but I feel something coming that I just can't even explain.

I know you read my blogs. You know I read yours too, sometimes. You haven't posted in a while, maybe it's because you're happy. I hope you are, I really do. I hope you found someone who So you probably read that I found someone, you probably exited my blog right away. Maybe not, you've always been curious. It's amazing how I know you even when I don't want to. Even when I try not to think about you, you come up in the most random places of my mind. The reason why I am able to talk about you is because i've accepted that what we had was great, and that it was the right time to let go. I look at you as a good memory, not someone who I dislike. This has allowed me to open up my heart.

So now my heart is open and full of this mushy gushy delicious feeling. Ugh its so gooey like a mushy cookie right out of the oven. Again, I'm laughing to myself. Who would of thought.