since i've written. Could be because everything has been good, i've been happy and confident that everything is and will go right. Throughout the mess and unsettling disorganization, stress and what not, I am nevertheless calm in my heart and mind and therefore happy in my heart. I don't have to be sad or upset to write, but usually when I am, things come out alot more dramatic. Brilliant really, how emotions can stimulate the most incredible writing peices. Even though I've been happy, it's not to say that I haven't experienced wide fields of emotion and uncertainty. It's just that now, I know how to handle it much better. I guess I've kind of been a little more introspective than I was before. I've realized that not everyone needs to know exactly how your feeling at all times. They don't want to know, actually. Because most people who are around you will not care to find out why a smile isn't on your face or why you're deep in thought or why you haven't been there as much lately. The thing is, most of the time when people are listening to you they are waiting for their turn to speak. I've realized all of these things and people will ask me if that bothers me, but it really doesn't. I know how people are. It's no surprise to me that self-interest is the one thing on everyone's mind. It's that i've come to embrace these people for all of the wonderful qualities about them and try not to get close enough to experience the bad. I don't want to fight with my friends, so I just keep them at a certain level where they can never hurt me. At the end of the day it is me against the world. And to be lucky enough to have the family I have, shit, I don't even need stupid friends. I have my best friends in the whole wide world, but even they don't know everything about me simply because no one HAS to know every single little detail about me. Some things are better kept inside of your head for YOU to ponder on, for no one else to judge or give opinions or formulate assumptions. Some moments are just way to sacred to speak of, because by expressing them in words makes the moment lose its importance and it's value. The best moments are those which we cannot describe, those which are too great to even ruin with something other than pure emotion. Although I've experimented with the ways of words through writing by writing every day, I will tell you that it takes some serious skill to portray a moment the way it should be portrayed. That's why, let's say you have an incredible night with someone. Your friends want to hear ALL of the details but only 25% of them REALLY wants to hear exactly what went down and how you felt and what not. What they really want to hear is main points and on to the next subject. Which is normal and completely understandable but there's no way to really describe moments with main points.
I feel like i've learned a calm and independence that let's me be okay with being on my own. I've learned to be alone but never lonely, enjoy the quiet moments. The sunday mornings of life. Life is beautiful in every single way, even the hard moments. They are good becuase they will teach you what the good moments are supposed to feel like.
“If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.” -C.S Lewis
